Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The tunnel

RaYa is born.  The most amazing moment of my life just had happened!  My husband is overwhelmed by my courage and strength and I am feeling like I have triumphed! I AM WOMAN!  I AM MOTHER!  OUR SON IS FINALLY HERE!   WOW.  Yeah~  We were definitely on TOP of the world after the birth of our firstborn son RaYa, in April 2103.

 He is a miracle!

Then, it happened.  How did we go from heart gushing love and joy to overwhelming night after night of sleep deprivation and stress??  Those first few months were the most challenging yet.  I had just overcome my turbulent rite of passage in my pregnancy and overcame the darkest of nights.   I dove deep into the untouched corners of my soul and emerged resilient, transformed, and was gifted the best gift ever.  The gift of the most amazing son and magical memory of our unforgettable birth experience.  But, again I sank.  It wasn't  that I didn't absolutely love my son.  "I" was almost no where in the equation.  My son's survival was based on my ability to perform the everyday mundane tasks of a new mama.  Over and over and over and over.  I got it.  I got it.  I got it.

Is this what motherhood is about?   I didn't imagine it like this at all.  I was in a complete fog; A walking zombie.  I was  filled with a bunch of that great feeling oxytocin from all the breastfeeding I was doing constantly.   The  L O V E  I have for my son kept me alive and sane.  The best advice people told me (and I heard a LOT of it), was "This too shall pass" and " It gets easier".  And,  it did.   But, the last month the physical pain overwhelmed me.  My neck, back, and ribs were all out of alignment and my body was screaming!   I felt like my very "old" friend TMJ was back.     It was worth every minute staying home to breastfeed RaYa and watch him grow.  It was so important to us that I set my 20 year business aside as well as the community work and events that I loved so much.    (When RaYa turned 6 months old I started working at my "Yve for Hair and Make Up" twice a week) But, now my body was speaking loud and clear and I needed to listen.   Is there more I needed to express?


Perhaps I was in the tunnel waiting to be reborn?   I am glad I see this clearly for myself and I honor the cycles this life has offered me in the past and now to be able to move through this delicate process once again.  This re-birth is the biggest one yet!    Now, it is MY time.  First, I need to CreaTe some space for myself to completely emerge as a the "new me".  What do I want to Co-CreaTe now in this new opportunity that has opened up for me.  How do I wish to move forward from this moment on as a magnetic, powerful, Co-CreaTress individual and be the best mother I can be to my son?   I am yearning to express myself in a new way with all my new blessings in my life.   This is very exciting and important to my soul on what I will CreaTe next and offer the world once again.    Have you ever had a burning desire to be re-born again? 

How can I do this?  Well, 17 years ago I saw a show on Oprah.  The psychologists that were part of the show gave wonderful advice to new mothers and  I took their advice to heart.  They absolutely exclaimed the importance of taking time to yourself (1-2 weeks a year) for peace of mind and rejuvenation to be the best mother/woman possible for her family, friends,  community,  and the world.  That is the gift I promised myself If and when I became a mother.  The time is now!  I booked myself a trip to the Mayan Riviera (The Vortex of Tulum) on Saturday January 11, 2014!!!  This is my Re-Birth Retreat and I will be enjoying my intention of Re-birthing self in a sacred way.  Tea ceremony, Kundalini yoga, Temazcal Ceremony, meditation, writing, dreaming, full Moon, cenotes, pyramids,  and sacred sites and wonderful new women friends.  What will happen on such a magical journey of the soul?

I will miss you immensely my son, RaYa.  I must do this to find my "I" for you,  for me, for dad,  for us!

Your mother that adores you...
Yve Hart

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