Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I never wanted children

I am the one I have been waiting for
To give birth and to be re-born are both incredible acts of CreaTion!  I have come a long way to be able to give birth to my son.  To be able to willingly "call him in" and feel ready to receive the incredible gifts that come with new life. This blog has helped me look back to see where I came from to where I stand now.  And, If there is difficulty in something, I know my strengths and my ability re-CreaTe something NEW.  Trust me, I have encountered some really tough times to be able to arrive here.

Can you believe the first time I thought I was pregnant I went home and literally beat my stomach with all my force?  I was 20 years old and the last thing I wanted was to have a baby.  The physical blows to my stomach were intentional to not wanting the soul of the baby to come through.   I never wanted children.  

 I was a frantic mess and wanted to die!   My worst nightmare was having children to take care of and lose my sense of self.    I had no idea how to be responsible and I did not trust myself around kids.   The mere sight of children sent me scurrying well into my mid 30's.   I collected evidence that mothers were powerless and I just might turn into a martyr if I had children.  What will happen to the fun-loving me who just wanted freedom to CreaTe and have self expression?  I didn't want to be held back.  This was my way of thinking back then.   No seminar, teaching modality, or healer, could free me from the raging fire I had within pressing against myself. 

Have you ever had a story that you wanted to free yourself from?  We all have a "story" and my intention was to CreaTe a new one; A story in where I could be an exceptional mother to a beautiful soul that wanted to come through me.  A story where I would be stepping into a new way of being a powerful woman.  Co-CreaTing with a son and a family.  In this new story that I created,  I am able to open up to levels of trust and love in which I have never been able to achieve before.   I have come so far!   I am an example of an incredibly dynamic and CreaTive woman and mother with new ways of expressing that have blown open my mind.  I am more of me than I have ever been.  This is the gift I give to myself and to my future family lineage! 

~Next week's blog: The pleasure and pain of pregnancy.   My rite of passage. 

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