Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The pleasure and pain of pregnancy


Birthing something new is so intense.  Did you have an inner process or journey when you were CreaTing something new in your life?   I will start of with the best parts of my pregnancy.  I still dream of re-living those incredibly sensitive moments with RaYa in my belly.  Hearing his heartbeat beating like a drum while being woken up by his hiccups and kicks.  I daydream of the feeling of being fully tuned in and connected to this magical creature of love within me!  I felt the perfection of CreaTion within my body and my ability to draw toward me exactly what I needed for our family.  I felt so trusting of the process and the voices within my own head and others were becoming more and more silent.  My heart were my guiding force and my feminine powers were brimming with new possibilities! There was a new part of me that I was celebrating.  A part of me that I almost thought would never be possible. 

In the middle of my second trimester, everything shifted!    Fierce nerve pain took over my body as I was diagnosed with cervical radiculopathy.  I have never felt such unease.   The sharp pain and discomfort wore on my emotional state and well being.    Feeling out of sorts, I ended up pulling my pelvis, back, and hip flexer.  OUCH~ After that, I developed Bells Palsy, which paralyzed half my face.  I looked like a freaking monster.  The lack of sleep was the worst part of all!  I never got to sleep more than a couple hours at a time.  To top it off, I struggled as our insurance declined coverage our to Beach Cities Midwifery Center after 5 1/2 months of care.   Was the universe testing me?  I think I got the point.  But, I am not turning back! 

Rite of Passage
For a while, I beat myself up for not having the perfect pregnancy.   This was NOT how I had envisioned my pregnancy to be.  I've worked really hard inside and out, and now this!  It took me whirling back 20 years to that angry and fearful 20 year old girl and those insecurities and self inflicted battles.  But now I know that it was a part of my process and It was perfect!  Can I be strong enough and powerful enough to pass this test?   I knew the root of the physical pain was a gift waiting for me to discover it.  I continued to stay connected no matter how horrible I felt!  my intuition was so sharp and clear and I remained in integrity with my intention of a healthy, natural water birth at home with ease.  Even though my friends and family started doubting that my body was capable of such a delivery anymore.   No matter where I gave birth, it would have been conscious, connected, and sacred.  And this I knew for sure!   This way MY rite of passage to the powerful woman and mother that I am! 

"The sacred work pregnancy offers is to reveal and conquer our fears and challenges early on so that delivery can be as effortless as possible.  It is a magical time to process deep layers that are hidden and wish to be brought up to light.  It tests us each day to stay present and aware and become even more integral and tuned in.  In doing so, we become stronger, more refined, and resilient for delivery.  This sacred time ushers in the possibilities that are within pregnancy and motherhood for the transformation of self, community, and humanity"  Yve Anumi Hart

aho~


Next weeks blog: RaYa's MAGICAL Birth~
 
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