Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Raya's magical birth story

 April 15, 2013
Happy Birthday RaYa!!!

Thank you for following this blog.  As you know, this is an incredible journey of a lifetime for me. And, I am so proud to share this part of it!  THIS is the part that makes my heart skip a beat as it fills with gratitude for allowing the gift of the universe of having the birth of my dreams take place right here in my home.

This is the part I will share with my son RaYa when he is old enough to understand.
What makes YOUR heart skip a beat?  

Welcome RaYa
4 days before RaYa blessed our world we opened our home for ceremony.    Friends chanted RaYa's name in his honor.  This name was received in my dreams a few evenings before.   We all sat around a sacred altar that I had co-created with Armando Razmus in our living room over the fire place.  This sacred symbol came to Armando in a dream; It turned out to be a beautiful centerpiece to our birthing room (living room).  I loved how effortless his name and sacred altar piece came into our lives.  

On April 14, we felt deep in our hearts that the time for Raya's arrival was very near.  Armando, myself, and our friend Carmen decided to go take a hike down to the Trump Trails.   We called this hike "El Camino" because it held a special meaning for both Armando and I during the pregnancy; It was "our spot."   I felt a strong magnetic pull to find the special labyrinth that I knew was around there, so we continued walking.   After finding this place, both Armando and I chanted the name "RaYa" as we slowly made our way to the center of this powerful labyrinth.  This chant came naturally to the both of us; We didn't plan it.  Our hearts synced and we placed four stones spelling out RaYa's name on all four corners at the "heart" of the labyrinth.  This spontaneous ceremony CreaTed a shift! 

First Contractions
The first contractions started immediately after exiting the labyrinth.   Even though we felt complete with this ceremonious hike, I wanted to keep walking further!  The desire in wanting to go further was perhaps fueled by a vision I had since I was young.  The vision was to birth my children in paradise while in knee deep water naturally surrounded by dolphins. Armando knows me so well and he knew what I was thinking.  I can tell by the look he was giving me.   :) "I know Yve feels perfectly comfortable birthing RaYa here on this beach and that is why we need to head back up the hill as soon as possible!" Armando exclaimed.   It wasn't his comfort zone to deliver our baby on this beach and I needed to respect that.  We continued to make our way back all the way up the hills and back to the car.  We were already 3 1/2 hours into our adventure!

Our hike back up the trails after 3 1/2 hours.  The contractions had already begun~ 

At last, my contractions had started, and Armando and I started timing the duration and frequency of each surge.  Armando was timing my contractions as we continued walking all the way up the hill.  I felt completely in charge, connected, and patient.   I began to think about what I needed to prepare for this part of the journey.    I turned to Armando and Carmen and told them that we are stopping at a nail salon before we go home.  Armando agreed and couldn't believe my request.  "You better believe it baby!", I said.  I was having so much fun! The staff at the salon kept watching in disbelief as if the baby would fly out any moment!  We all chuckled at how terrified everyone looked; that was definitely amusing to us.  After the nail shop we made another pit stop and visited one of my favorite mexican restaurants for dinner.  With intense breathing,  I patiently enjoyed my last dinner while the contractions were getting stronger.  Armando and Carmen calmly kept timing the surges as I devoured my spicy fish soup!   Exiting the restaurant, I buckled over from stronger surges. Alright, it was time to head home.

The surges were getting stronger and I felt them deeper in my lower body.   Thank goodness my prior discomforts were almost all vanished.  With another 45 minutes to drive I was relaxed enough and trusted my body enough to know that I was well taken care of.   It helped to see Armando calm and present during this early stage of labor.  Earlier in the week, Armando and I reminded each other to stay very calm and not to react to the first contractions.  This sense of calmness was evident as we managed to hike up the hill,  get a pedicure, sit down to eat dinner, and still enjoy the drive back home with some laughs and giggles.  I trusted my body and I trusted the process! 

Strong Surges
We arrived at home at about 7:00.  Armando and Carmen lovingly prepared the living room as part of the sacred birth space. Armando drew me a bath as I waited and connected to myself in solitude.  "This was really happening," I thought.  All the hard work I had put in to allow for this experience of birthing a child was finally happening right here and right now!  

It's 8:00 pm and I am in the pool now.   The mood was peaceful and the lights dim with sweet smell of fresh flowers, essential oils, and jasmine-rose candles.  A pool filled with selinite crystals energized the water.   We decided to call our Birth Doula, Tanya Commerford to come. Armando spoke to her and she asked him if I had found my rhythm.  Armando didn't know how to answer that, and for him, that was a sign that I hadn't found it yet. The surges became stronger and stronger.  If I even lay down for a moment, it would send pain shooting up and down my body.    Thankfully, I had many choices of how to move in my private pool and in the comfort of my home.   Armando felt it would be better if he stepped out the pool to give me space.  That was the best choice! 

YES, I found my rhythm!  I quickly adapted to the space and slowly but surely started to find my rhythm.   Armando waived under my nose essential oils for "surrender" and fed me fresh coconut water for hydration. Stars were cast up on the ceiling and my favorite art exhibit "Ashes and Snow" was projected on our wall.  I connected with the beauty of the primal dance between animal and human on the big screen.  Mesmerizing music and poetry enchanted the room; It was surreal. 

At 10:00 p.m. Tanya arrived.  I started swirling my hips in a dance that resembled figure eights and spiral movements.   Through this intuitive movement, I was able to transform "pain" into "pressure",...... and even pleasure!!  This movement was essential during all stages of my pregnancy,  and now it became a key component during the delivery! 

My dance
I rhythmically moved with every contraction; Connecting to the strength and wisdom of the primal elephants on the screen. In the pool, I continued the spiraling figure eights in a straddling position.  There was fierce tension in my lower hips and pelvis.  It felt like the weight of a bowling ball in each hip socket.  This was a feeling I had never felt before.  Armando was outside of the pool applying pressure to my hips to relieve my discomfort from the weight.   That pressure he was applying was priceless and it worked like a gem.   Tanya and Carmen were comforting me by pouring warm water over my body and feeding me broth to keep me nourished.  They whispered to me sweet affirmations and stroked my hair.  This was my rhythm and my team was dancing in harmony with the experience!  After each contraction, I would completely let go and relax every cell of my being as I laid my body sideways in the pool with my head on the edge.  I got into an ebb and flow of dancing with the surges, complete relaxation,  and feeling completely supported by my birth team.   It was a sensual dance within the ebb and flow of pressure, discomfort, and complete relaxation.  

12:00 a.m. and we called the Midwivery Center.  I celebrated that Alison Stinson picked up; Exactly who I wished for to be my Midwife!   She asked a series of questions and Armando explained that the contractions were not as close together than they really were!  If we told her the truth she would have come immediately.   Armando and I felt we didn't need to involve any more people just yet.  I trusted with all my heart this was the right choice.   We intended for this experience to be as intimate as possible.  We felt in our hearts that the it wasn't the time to have our midwife there just yet.  

1:45 a.m. We made the final call to Alison.  "We feel that the baby is very close", Armando said over the phone.   

2:00 a.m. and the dolphin sonar recordings started playing on the underwater speakers for RaYa.  This was the next closest thing than actually birthing in the ocean with the our Dolphin friends.  RaYa responded well to the frequencies; I felt he was in resonance with them.  

2:30 a.m. and "I am pushing!"  Alison quickly checked how dilated I was and confirmed my cervix was fully dilated. I pushed slowly and steadily, not rushing this process.   They exclaimed how excited they were to be part of our natural home birth. With each push, my body deeply let out a primal grunt.  

3:30 a.m. and "We will have the baby soon," Alison exclaimed!  The room became still.  I was looking at Armando while he became extremely emotional, his body quivering with excitement.  He shed a few tears with this joyous announcement.    The reality of our baby coming was soon approaching and we both felt that very deeply.   I was dancing with the dolphins in my heart and mind.  I felt as strong as an elephant; Eyes drifting as I was singing.  I was whispering and chanting "RaYa" as I faced the birth symbol.   I was in a trance and my body was pulsing with pleasure.   I felt completely ripe!   During these last dances, I recall the timelessness of a miracle waiting to birth through me.  "I've never seen you look so absolutely magical, radiant, and powerful", Armando said.   He said that he had never seen my eyes with that gaze coming from them.   He said he could see God looking through my eyes.  

Baby RaYa
4:04 a.m. my water broke.  Our baby RaYa arrived straight into Armando's hands as and he placed the little ray of light on my chest.  (7 pounds 14 ounces.)  I held the baby in disbelief!  My heart was jumping out of my chest and I questioned reality for a moment.  I felt the warmth of his skin against mine.  This was real!  This little ball of energy that was once inside is now on my chest.  "Please, kiss the baby!", I exclaimed to everyone around the tub.  And each beautiful witness showered RaYa with kisses.  

Now we are 3!!!
Having RaYa in my arms and Armando next to me was just so unbelievable and joyous!  
My heart melted.  "You are my Hero!" These words Armando spoke made my heart rejoice.    He has a new perspective of me after this incredible experience.  This journey was so magical for us and has instilled a brand new feeling of deeper love and trust for each other.  After a long pause of bliss we checked the gender.   RaYa is a boy!

We have expanded
A conscious birth is what I envisioned for myself long before I ever wanted children.  I kept that vision alive and dedicated my life to working through my old patterns to achieve this.   This shift set forth a new paradigm of BE-ing for myself and my family.   Waking up to how magical and expanding the birth process is has completely inspired me and re-ignited the flame to live passionately.   Are we all capable of transforming our innermost fears and doubts of birthing into an initiation of creation, beauty, and grace?  I think we can one story at a time! I've learned that a child's soul brings with it an opportunity to transform our life by truly engaging ourselves in the birth process.  I stand in gratitude knowing that RaYa's soul has helped me transform my fears so I can be the best Mother possible for him and to be in my highest potential as a woman.

Looking at my loving husband Armando, I see his full force of fatherhood arrive as such a powerful and strong pillar of support for us.   And most of all, our hearts have explosively expanded because of this magical little being and Co-CreaTor, RaYa. "Ray of light from beyond infinity!"

Thank you friends, family, and community.
We LOVE and HONOR you!
In So Much Love,
3 Harts

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The pleasure and pain of pregnancy

Birthing something new is so intense.  Did you have an inner process or journey when you were CreaTing something new in your life?   I will start of with the best parts of my pregnancy.  I still dream of re-living those incredibly sensitive moments with RaYa in my belly.  Hearing his heartbeat beating like a drum while being woken up by his hiccups and kicks.  I daydream of the feeling of being fully tuned in and connected to this magical creature of love within me!  I felt the perfection of CreaTion within my body and my ability to draw toward me exactly what I needed for our family.  I felt so trusting of the process and the voices within my own head and others were becoming more and more silent.  My heart were my guiding force and my feminine powers were brimming with new possibilities! There was a new part of me that I was celebrating.  A part of me that I almost thought would never be possible. 

In the middle of my second trimester, everything shifted!    Fierce nerve pain took over my body as I was diagnosed with cervical radiculopathy.  I have never felt such unease.   The sharp pain and discomfort wore on my emotional state and well being.    Feeling out of sorts, I ended up pulling my pelvis, back, and hip flexer.  OUCH~ After that, I developed Bells Palsy, which paralyzed half my face.  I looked like a freaking monster.  The lack of sleep was the worst part of all!  I never got to sleep more than a couple hours at a time.  To top it off, I struggled as our insurance declined coverage our to Beach Cities Midwifery Center after 5 1/2 months of care.   Was the universe testing me?  I think I got the point.  But, I am not turning back! 

Rite of Passage
For a while, I beat myself up for not having the perfect pregnancy.   This was NOT how I had envisioned my pregnancy to be.  I've worked really hard inside and out, and now this!  It took me whirling back 20 years to that angry and fearful 20 year old girl and those insecurities and self inflicted battles.  But now I know that it was a part of my process and It was perfect!  Can I be strong enough and powerful enough to pass this test?   I knew the root of the physical pain was a gift waiting for me to discover it.  I continued to stay connected no matter how horrible I felt!  my intuition was so sharp and clear and I remained in integrity with my intention of a healthy, natural water birth at home with ease.  Even though my friends and family started doubting that my body was capable of such a delivery anymore.   No matter where I gave birth, it would have been conscious, connected, and sacred.  And this I knew for sure!   This way MY rite of passage to the powerful woman and mother that I am! 

"The sacred work pregnancy offers is to reveal and conquer our fears and challenges early on so that delivery can be as effortless as possible.  It is a magical time to process deep layers that are hidden and wish to be brought up to light.  It tests us each day to stay present and aware and become even more integral and tuned in.  In doing so, we become stronger, more refined, and resilient for delivery.  This sacred time ushers in the possibilities that are within pregnancy and motherhood for the transformation of self, community, and humanity"  Yve Anumi Hart


Next weeks blog: RaYa's MAGICAL Birth~

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I never wanted children

I am the one I have been waiting for
To give birth and to be re-born are both incredible acts of CreaTion!  I have come a long way to be able to give birth to my son.  To be able to willingly "call him in" and feel ready to receive the incredible gifts that come with new life. This blog has helped me look back to see where I came from to where I stand now.  And, If there is difficulty in something, I know my strengths and my ability re-CreaTe something NEW.  Trust me, I have encountered some really tough times to be able to arrive here.

Can you believe the first time I thought I was pregnant I went home and literally beat my stomach with all my force?  I was 20 years old and the last thing I wanted was to have a baby.  The physical blows to my stomach were intentional to not wanting the soul of the baby to come through.   I never wanted children.  

 I was a frantic mess and wanted to die!   My worst nightmare was having children to take care of and lose my sense of self.    I had no idea how to be responsible and I did not trust myself around kids.   The mere sight of children sent me scurrying well into my mid 30's.   I collected evidence that mothers were powerless and I just might turn into a martyr if I had children.  What will happen to the fun-loving me who just wanted freedom to CreaTe and have self expression?  I didn't want to be held back.  This was my way of thinking back then.   No seminar, teaching modality, or healer, could free me from the raging fire I had within pressing against myself. 

Have you ever had a story that you wanted to free yourself from?  We all have a "story" and my intention was to CreaTe a new one; A story in where I could be an exceptional mother to a beautiful soul that wanted to come through me.  A story where I would be stepping into a new way of being a powerful woman.  Co-CreaTing with a son and a family.  In this new story that I created,  I am able to open up to levels of trust and love in which I have never been able to achieve before.   I have come so far!   I am an example of an incredibly dynamic and CreaTive woman and mother with new ways of expressing that have blown open my mind.  I am more of me than I have ever been.  This is the gift I give to myself and to my future family lineage! 

~Next week's blog: The pleasure and pain of pregnancy.   My rite of passage. 

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